I had made an appointment to get my lashes filled that afternoon, and secretly hoped I wouldn't make it because I was in labor, yet at the same time hoping I'd have fresh lashes. Petty, I know! Haha. Up until that previous Friday I had been having many contractions, and false labor signs. Over the weekend it all seemed to quiet down and stall. I tried not to let myself get stressed or frustrated. This time around I really desired to go into labor on my own, and since nothing was happening I was slowly getting discouraged.
I'm so glad I took a nap on Monday afternoon with Maya. Kyle worked late, so the girls and I ate dinner at my parent's house. We came home around 8 pm, and I got them showered and in bed by 9-ish. Kyle went to bed around 10. I wasn't sleepy since we had a late nap, so I settle myself on the couch with my chocolate yogurt treat (plain greek yogurt with ovaltine and mini dark chocolate chips on top: delicious!) and the iPad to watch a show. Just after midnight I start getting sleepy and realize I have to go pee again, for the hundredth time that day. Then it happened- I felt a little wetness. Crap. I peed myself! Again. (Third child/pregnancy problems). I get up and go finish in the bathroom. I come out to get more undies and feel a little wetness again. Seriously?! I JUST peed. Why bladder? I waddle back to the bathroom, and suddenly realize it's not my bladder. Otherwise I just entered a whole new level of incontinence. I stand there for a second, look at my legs, realize it's clear. Doesn't smell like pee. I took another step and it continues. I look at myself in the mirror and think- holy crap, my water is leaking. What do I do now?!
I wake Kyle, tell him I think my water just broke and is slowly leaking. I don't feel contractions yet, but ask him for a blessing then tell him to keep resting and I'll wake him when it's time. I notify my mom and sister in law, and tell them to keep their phones on, but to get some rest because I don't know how quickly or how long it will be. I was induced with my first two, so I wasn't sure what was "normal" for my body. I went back out to the couch to try and get some rest before labor got real. After about an hour I realized I remembered learning if your water breaks you need to go in right away to get checked out and make sure it really broke. The risk of infection increases the longer it's ruptured, so I googled to be sure. Yep. Then I called the hospital, yep. They said not to rush since contractions weren't consistent at this point, and to eat and shower and get whatever I need together. So I got all my stuff together and woke Kyle to get him ready. Then we work the girls and called his parents. Emma was so excited when we told her we were going to the hospital and baby Nora would be here soon. We dropped them off around 4 am, and apparently Emma didn't go back to sleep because of her excitement. The next two days were pretty sleepless for them- Kyle's parents are serious troopers!
We got to the hospital and got checked in. Positive amniotic test. Dilated to a 3, 80% effaced. Contractions were still inconsistent, and the floor was so busy we waited and walked for two hours before a room was ready. Gateway is a very small hospital, so the walking got old and boring quickly. We got into our delivery room just after 7 am. I was torn between climbing into bed and sleeping until it got unbearable, and walking to help progress things along. So so tired. The nurse we had seemed quiet and gruff at first. I was hoping for someone strong to help me as I wanted to have an unmedicated birth this time. Boy, first impressions can be wrong! She was amazing, and I love her. And I want her to help me deliver any other babies we may have in the future, haha!
She hooked me up to the monitors for 20 min to check baby and contractions, then we decided I would lay down and get some rest for a while before getting back to walking. I brought a little speaker and put on my Adele station from Pandora, and got some rest. Having my own relaxing music was so nice! Kyle passed out on the couch, and I fell asleep at some point. An hour or so later Lesley (my nurse) comes to check on baby again. Still no change. We get up and do more walking. I'd get painful contractions, followed by mild ones. Anywhere from 3-10 min apart. Around 9 am is when they started picking up, and so I let my mom and Alyn know to come whenever they could. I had no idea how long it would be, but I wanted them there in case I progressed quickly.
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| talking to my sister, Emily, who had just moved to Utah |
Mom and Alyn arrived soon after, and we continued to walk, and walk, and walk...and climb up and down the stairs. Those produced very strong contractions. Apparently laboring women aren't "supposed" to climb the stairs, they are for employees. Oops. More walking. And walking. I started feeling light headed so we headed to the room and Lesley checked my blood sugar. I was low, so I got to drink some juice and eat some peanut butter and crackers. I was getting tired, so I climbed into bed again. I alternated laying on each side with the peanut ball, I love that thing! At this point, I would need to focus and breathe through contractions, but they weren't unbearable. I'm not sure how long this went on for, but by around 1:00 pm she checked to see how I was doing and I was only dilated to a 4. I knew I couldn't labor this slowly without the risk of infection increasing. It had already been 13 hours since my water broke. Dr Layton came by to see me around 1:30 pm and we talked about options. My contractions were still not getting any closer or consistent, and only mildly stronger than that morning. He offered to start a small dose of pitocin to get things moving and then see how it goes, or let me continue to labor for a few more hours and see what happens. I knew contractions hurt more without the amniotic cushion, and then pitocin on top of it? How could I handle the pain and skip the epidural like I wanted? I was a little worried at the thought of more pain... But I felt it was the right thing to do. I'm so glad Lesley and Dr Layton weren't pushy, and allowed me to make the call.
By 2 pm, we got the pitocin going. Then active labor truly kicked in. I laid down, got up, sat on the ball, leaned up against the bed, got on my knees on the bed, laid down again. Kyle helped with counter pressure, my mom would massage. They were both so helpful and mindful of what I needed. Things progressed quickly, I went from a 4 to a 10 in 1.5 hours.
Lets talk contractions. I knew they hurt because I labored a long time with Maya, and I knew pushing baby out would hurt because my epidural started to fail with Emma. But- I still had some relief with both because THESE. WERE. REAL. I was able to breathe and relax for about an hour. By about 3, they got so intense I was struggling, I was questioning WHY I desired so badly to do this on my own. I know at one point I looked at Kyle and said "why did we do this?!" Haha. At this point any position but laying on my left side was too hard to be in while I tried to focus on relaxing my lower half, and breathing deeply with contractions. I held one of Kyle's hands and one of my mom's in a death grip at this point. This is where my amazing nurse came in. She helped by squeezing a pressure point near my knee and talking me through each contraction. Reminding me why I wanted this, that with each surge I was closer to holding my baby. Though it was almost an out of body experience, it was amazing to feel my body do what it was made to do. I could feel Nora move down with each surge, and as I breathed with it instead of fighting it, it happened quickly. Lesley asked if I felt the need to push- and I did. Dr Layton came in and got ready quickly and checked to see where she was, and she was ready. They helped me turn onto my back, and instructed me to push when I felt the urge. One push- her head was out. Second push- he said I needed to do a good job because we needed to get her shoulder out. I pushed like crazy because I did NOT want her stuck! Words can't describe that pain... Ring of fire is closest it gets. Your body kicks into natural mode and takes over. I felt like I had lost complete control over managing my body at this point. Inside I was a hot mess. At this point, or maybe even just before, I may have said a few swear words. You would too. My mom said she'd pretend she didn't hear it. Ha! 3 pushes and Nora was on my chest. Squishy, cheesy, blue and beautiful! So much hair. I immediately begged Dr Layton to numb me before stitching me up, because I was SO sure something had torn. He said there's no need, because I didn't tear. "Are you sure?! I didn't tear?! Holy he*$!" Haha. Yeah, not my proudest moment. Except I couldn't get over the fact I just birthed my beautiful big baby with no pain meds, and I didn't even tear! We let the cord finish pulsing before Kyle cut it. Lesley told me I was her Hero that day, and I love her for that. It was hard, and I joke that even though I'm glad I was able to overcome my fear of pain and do what hundreds of women before me have done, I may gladly take the epidural again next time ;) We'll see. It's only been a week and I already know the pain is real but ends. And we are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
And just like that, Nora entered our world surrounded by love. We couldn't be happier to have her in our family.
I haven't gotten much sleep since then, and I should be now since everyone is sleeping. I needed to record this before details were forgotten. My recovery has been so much easier, and aside from the lack of sleep I feel pretty dang good. Maya and Emma have been transitioning better than I thought they would. They love giving hugs and kisses, and when Nora fusses Emma soothingly says "it's ok baby Nora, sister is here" and Maya pats her cheek and says "Aww, no cry baby". And I melt.
I love having daughters. I am so lucky to have three strong, healthy, smart, funny, loving, tender, sassy, stubborn, beautiful daughters.
We have had so much love and support from family, neighbors, friends and ward members. Kyle and I both lucked out in the awesome parents category. We feel so blessed and so loved.
Huge shout out to my sister in law, Alyn. She was a positive presence, and captured some beautiful shots of the birth and girls that you see. I will forever be grateful for these gems. Looking through them brings all the emotion back. If you need a photographer, let me know. She's so good I didn't even know she was taking photos.
Also, I am so glad I get to eat real pizza and real ice cream now. :)
